Might as well be a dope fiend; take it as it’s said.
No place to live, thinking about drugs and things that God knows aren't made for
sale. Might as well be a drug fiend kicked out living on my own since 17 in and
out of shelters and strangers houses.
I’m looking for something to help me get my way out of this nothing.
I might as well be a dope fiend thinking bout
prostitution seems it’s the only way I could get money and keep a roof over my
head and some dollar store soup in my cupboards. Only got that fast life in
gear one and I can’t see past gear two which is selling crack. Don’t care if I get
caught because nobody cares about what I’m thinking to do or been through.
You see my mom left me when I was only a few months
old she had already decided my life and my personality. She left me so she
could travel and party not thinking about what kind of life she left for me. My
mom left me with a stranger someone I didn’t know. They raised me but beat me
with everything they had for reasons that had no meaning. I never felt loved
from a human being so I took those beatings and understood them as love. Seem
like every beating was right even when I was sleeping.
Police came in one day and took me away from that
loving I know put me in a home I never knew; new faces to me but they knew me
all along, aunt and uncle one happy broken family. Sitting on the step looking
into the living room four individuals with the letter J made me feel like I had nowhere
to stay, though they provided shelter and food but there was no loving for me
there. Who was I and where was my home? They took me in but they too didn’t
care they were a torn family and I was the rain that made their already torn
paper soggy. Found out soon there was no place for me and if it came to it
everyone was chosen above me when they said it bluntly. They sent me away back
and forth seeing new faces with open arms but closed minds and hearts it was
all a play and I was the lead star. Every few months I went on the road to
another town to do the same play nothing ever changed in the script but the
cast was always new. No one cared once
they got paid. They got that child tax money and went on their way.
So I might as well be a dope fiend sell this soul to
the bidder that has that rent money I need. Sell this body to the highest
bidder who can put some groceries in my fridge, give it all to the one who can
give me that buy what I want money cause I already got my rent paid so I can buy
what I want … but it becomes buy what I need because I already sold my body shot
up my veins and now I’m hiding from myself cause I see the pain. Now I gotta
buy the best make up and clothes to make me look brand new, to make others look
at me and have a first impression of she looks good, she got money, she must be
living good, most importantly … she looks happy; somebody cares.
I might as well be a drug fiend shoot my vain up with
some happiness forget about the prostitution and how I had to get the shelter
and food and all the nice material things. Shoot up my veins so I don’t think
about the ones who God put here to care for me and how they left me broken in
the dumpster, Not think about the people who don’t give one damn about me but give me that money to provide for myself, I
don’t want to be sober it’ll leave me to think those are the ones who care.
So I Might as well be a dope fiend I've already been raped
under my mother’s care, I've been sexually abused under my aunts care. So why
not become a dope fiend and fire up my veins with something that will make it seem
like these people care even if it’s just for the moment.
If I sell this face, lips, breast, pussy and ass
ain't nothing in my life going to be different it’s all been done before without my
decision.
I might as well be a drug fiend die from a over dose
or die from prostitution trying to get that over dose. Body chopped up in a bag
found off the coast of somewhere. No leads of a missing person cause nobody
noticed I wasn’t there. Nobody cared so I might as well be a drug fiend. Why
struggle when everything I need is right there. Might as well be a dope fiend
because sometimes I think not even God cares. Might as well be a dope fiend because my life has brought me here, I Might as well be a Dope Fiend because
dope is the only thing that may care.
I’ve been on welfare when I was 17, I had my
little affair with the drug and gun game. I did a lot of things and each time
turn away, but still I sit here today saying Might as well be a drug fiend.
Some may wonder why I am not a drug fiend ……
You see I would be but every time I put my hand out
to get that first piece of ecstasy that would take me way down so far I won’t
be able to come back up the only word I see is God. I got a conscience and I
feel like if I do it God won’t forgive me, God will leave me even though I feel
he has already left me. I know that even though I feel that God has forgotten I
still reminisce about him … I still remember him. So that must mean that he
still remembers me, cause if he’s the God of all Gods and he knows and sees it
all. In those times when I’m reaching out for what seems maybe my last hope if
the only word I see is God then he must see me and hear me, And I can’t be a
dope fiend even though my life done brought me to be one. Sometimes I feel like
we were all pushed by the government to be prostitutes and thugs but we have to
be strong because (it takes a day to become a prostitute but to get a legal job
is so much struggle ) even though these men say you ,might as well be a dope
fiend Gods saying you might as well be a queen. You've already survived all that! You
can’t be a dope fiend.
