Return to Sender

A box on the doorstep marked return to sender. You sent it in an envelope so why has it been returned in a large box. You sent an invitation about 8 months ago and i quickly rejected i sent the envelope back many times without opening it. I didn't want to be bothered. Each time i sent it back you sent it right back just as quickly. You amused the brick wall the mail box was on. I finally opened the envelope and the lengthy invitation read hi, :) I would like to get to know you. I huffed and rolled my eyes, throwing the invitation on the driveway ground. Away with that, I wont be fooled another trickster, but not this time I wont offer my self up for hurt. As I turned around to leave the memory behind there it was again in front of me again. on the table and opened so I can see the words clearly. I threw it in the garbage but as i turned there it was again. I burned it and flushed it down the toilet and when i turned a smirk appeared on my face I had won the battle it was gone.

Sleep so sweet, I was happy. I was alone but had all the happiness and riches in the world because I was alone with God. I didnt need anyone nor did I want anyone. I been there done that and I didnt think it was capable. I was hurt and robbed and could only feel a love and happieness for myself. A few months ago I left my heart somewhere. Last time i remembered it was in love, and both his and my heart were happy but somehow things didnt work out he took my heart and shot it, he stood over it while every last pint of blood flowed out, I was close to death laying there I needed a way out. I crawled on my hands and knees and dragged myself out. I only survived because I left my heart behind to die. The toll it had on my body was none without it I coulnt feel hurt, or saddness. I was happy with my life. With no heart you cannot feel.

As I rolled in peace. I heared a crunching under neath me. I got up to see what it was, ... the envelope once again. I laughed this time and placed it on the table. As days went by more words would appear on this letter. Showing an interest for me to attend this /////.

What a persistent mother fucker I said with a smirk and evil in my eyes. I knew if I took him up on his offer I would only go to kill him. I couldnt love, without a heart. I had an empty space and even when I tried it gave me a feeling of utter disgust.

Each day welcomed a different smirk till one day I laughed. I laughed, you made me laugh. Anyone who could make me laugh without a heart deserves a formal meet and greet.

I sent the envelope back with a short reply.
There you were infront of me all smiles like you had seen someone special. I felt bad I had nothing to give. But I decided to meet you again. In between our //// i began to smile everytime you called and would often think about you and laugh. It took a while for me to realize I began to like you. By the time I realized there was no turning back. I cared about you, from where I didnt know. I wanted to be around you when you werent near the things I felt and wanted, I would never tell. I left my heart where my last love had killed it so I couldnt trust you because I didnt know if you came to kill me to. Whatever you wanted I wanst to sure, maybe you just wanted sex, maybe a friend, whatever it was no matter how I felt about you I couldnt trust you. Wrong, I know it was but after what I went through no matter what I had to protect myself.

Trying to protect myself from what I think it going to happen. Falling deep into your heart. I couldnt hlp myself. What would I do when you decided you no longer wanted to be by my side, left to cry never again. I made things complicated. I had to find someone or someones to talk to to take my mind off of you i didnt want to like you but here i was i needed to get a back up before you backed up out the door. Talking to other guys but for the life of me I couldnt remember their name All i wanted was you but did you feel the same?

In my bed we layed down, I asked the wuestion that was eating away at me. ... How do feel about me? You said you really care about me and your falling for me hard. I was happy to hear it but I rolled my eyes and turned the other way what a fucking liar sure after sex youll say anything i dont even know if your who you say you are guys really think their smart and girls are stupid so im supposed to be all giggily and just give you whatever you wnat now right. My mind was saying all these things and never for a second did it stop and say maybe what he said is true.

Insecurities I guess, My mind went on a rampange "if he really thinks hes gonna use me hell no.. let me find someone else to talk to. I should of stayed by my damn self with no one in my life.

It was to late though I had already started to love you and thats why I was so mad, I didnt realize what you had done. I thought I would never have the feelign again but you can and put love back inside, you gave me a new heart. I loved you that was the only thing that mattered, If only you could show me you cared and you werent liieng. I couldnt let go of my insecrities though I let you hurt me a dozen times. I loved you,
but my actions drove you away, you gave me love and i played back up.

What I feared was finally playing out you were walking out the door.

So there i was sending you invitations to come back because I cared but just like I threw them out you did too. I had no other choice to send you the box. I sat around with this pain and love wondering if youd come back. I know I still care and want you beside me. Nothing and no one else mattered. But my insecurities.... I made mistakes. you left.

A box on your step ... so familar to you but why is in a box. you sent the invitation in a small envelop. the smile you sent in the envelop bloomed over time into the love that i have for you. I cant sit around feeling this way so Im sending the love you gave, the laugh, the smile, the tears all back.
Return to sender.
Q.W